One Month Ago...

 I think about the man I married 10 years ago.  He was the kindest and most loving man when we met and married.  He truly loved me and did all he could to see to it that I was happy.  He did all the little things I've wanted someone to do.  He thought about me during the day and picked up the phone to let me know.  Now he doesn't call at all.  I remember his promises to me.  He said he'd love me forever and take care of me and that he'd never leave me.  The man who left me and the Pups isn't the man that I married - he wouldn't...
do that.  

He wouldn't see a doctor for his memory problems, so wasn't formally diagnosed...but he has shown quite a few symptoms over the years, of Alzheimer's, which his mother had.  Alzheimer's changes a person.  It can make someone unrecognizable, confused...even mean.  It can leave the person feeling confused, scared and alone.  It can make them do things out of the ordinary...making them into someone they really aren't.

Did we argue?  Yes, like most married couples I know.  Did we say and do things we regret?  Yes...I did and I'm quite sure he would say the same thing.  

Tom moved out of our home one month ago today. He packed up his belongings and walked right out the door - and never looked back! {The poor Pups...I feel so awful for them. They sit here, looking out the window...waiting for him to return.} 

This past month has been very hard on me.  I am in mourning over the fact that Tom isn't here with me in the home we moved into shortly after our wedding.  I'm mourning over the life that was to be...this was to be our last home - where we would love each other and live together until the end of our lives.  He often bragged to people about how I designed the interior of our house, as well as our walled-in courtyard.  Everything I did inside and outside our home was my way of showing love and affection for him.  The same with my cooking and baking.

I cry over the way all of this happened.  I cry because we didn't get to live out our "dream".  I cry because I love him and miss him.  I cry for the man I know he was and and how different he is now. 

Will he ever come home to be with me again?  Does he even think about that?  Does he think about me at all?  Does he think about the Pups he loved so much?  Only time will tell.  

I pray he finds peace and and forever.

I had planned to return to blogging, but I will be staying away for a while longer - on my break.  I will continue posting that wonderful LIVING IT OUT devotion!  I plan to return my usual posts, but until then, please keep us both in your prayers, They are very much appreciated.
Jan Tanis
Jan Tanis

I'm Jan and I'm happy you stopped in. Please, leave a comment and follow along..


  1. Oh, Jan! My heart breaks for you and i do wish I knew what to tell you. God is covering you and I claim His blessings and protection for you.
    Sending hugs and you know I'm praying for you.

  2. Dear Jan, I am so sorry you are on this journey. Like Shelia says, my heart breaks for you too. I know this is not how it was supposed to be and life sure can change quickly. God has you in his care and also Tom. I pray all will work out for the good and best for all.
    Take care and rest. You need the time. Praying for you my friend and sending you big hugs.

  3. Again, Jan, I'm so sorry this has happened! I can't imagine what you're going through and all of the emotions. If Tom is sick, and it sounds as if he is, I pray he gets some help. I am still praying for you, for some peace, strength and wisdom and direction as to what you need to do. I appreciate your friendship for all of these years. I do love the little Rooster hooks you gave me.
    Shelia ;)