Time Has Flown

It seems almost impossible that an entire year has slipped by already.  A year ago this past Sunday, April 3, 2015, was when my husband moved out of our home.  At the time I thought I'd be just fine.  But, underneath, I also thought it would be quite difficult.  Both were pretty much true.

There were plenty of things to keep me busy...like all the un-done chores and painting and setting up a daily schedule for Chores and my huge To Do List.  There was time I took just for myself...to heal my heart.  There was time that I devoted to my 3 Pups...to get them through the first couple of months of them missing their "daddy"...and driving me crazy every single time they heard a noise and thought it was him.

I wasn't at my best when he left...overweight, by quite a bit...weak, dragging butt to do anything, even the slightest thing around the house.  Sure, I had bursts of energy and got some things done, but on an every day basis...I didn't have the energy I needed.

All these many months later, I'm many pounds lighter...actually 67#.  I'm able to do alot more without getting tired.  I've had rough days...and lots of good ones too.

Am I fine?  No.

Oh yeah, I'm doing OK...but not truly over everything.  I don't have closure.  There's that word so many people throw around.  Closure.  

I'm still married.  But, I feel like a widow, since my husband was here one day and gone the next.  We don't talk, I haven't seen him since he left and said he'd be back home in a few weeks.  It's like he's gone POOF!

Today I saw the new Doctor, mainly to see if I could get a medical excuse to not have to be on Jury Duty in Detroit, of all places.  Not only did I get that excuse, which she faxed to the Court...but I got a lot more.  She could see how stressed I was...not only in my face...but my blood pressure.  So, now I will be taking blood pressure medication.  Hopefully, with more weight loss and the pills, it will make a big difference.  Like they always say, people who have high blood pressure don't feel ill.  I certainly didn't.  I also go back to see her in a few weeks...for fasting blood work.  Oh yippee!

I guess all of that comes as we get older and we're under stress.  

She asked me alot of questions today, which I really appreciated.  And after hearing some of the things that have transpired in the past year, she asked if I was in counseling.  I said no, that I was doing well.  But, I've been thinking...maybe it would be a good thing to see someone, join a church group or something...just to help me adjust a bit more...to get me off to a good start in the 2nd year of my life...on my own.

Some of you may remember my posts on Domestic Violence.  I did those a few years ago, for quite some time...and then abruptly stopped doing them.  I suffered at the hands of an abuser, who beat me many years ago.  ONCE!  That was it!  I left him.  Didn't take phone calls from him or anything.  I shared that here.   The reason for the end of my posts on the subject of Domestic Violence?  I felt awful posting about it and suggesting those suffering to get help...when I was suffering myself...and NOT getting help.  

With Alzheimer's, comes lots of symptoms.  Lots of symptoms.  I'd been emotionally beaten down...and physically injured as well, by the man I loved and was married to.  But, I didn't feel I could LEAVE him...because this was caused by a medical condition...and he wasn't himself any longer.  I'm thankful [I know that sounds odd] that he left - for both of our sakes.  I have forgiven him for all of the things that transpired between us.  I wish him well.  Being able to do that, was a gift from God.

But...there is still "stuff" that bothers me...upsets me...makes me wonder if I'll ever have a life again, if I will ever be the outwardly active person I was before all of this.  So, maybe I will seek out someplace where I can get some help...like a group at church.

I'm healing my body, now I need to continue healing my mind and spirit as well.

Please, include me in your prayers...I appreciate them so much.

Hugs,
Jan
Jan Tanis
Jan Tanis

I'm Jan and I'm happy you stopped in. Please, leave a comment and follow along..

2 comments:

  1. Jan, I'm just so sorry you've had to go through all of this. You are stronger than you think and have been an example to so many. That's a wonderful idea to find a group, a church group sounds better. There are Christian counselors who could help you. I'm so glad you're looking out for yourself. Take care, my friend.
    Be a sweetie,
    Shelia ;)

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  2. Jan, I am such a boob. I do not remember this post..Well I can see I had missed it or there would have been a comment from me. I am so sorry, I had left a comment sending blessings to you and your husband., on the 30th of April 2016.(Yesterday) You have come along way lady. Praise yourself for your accomplishments. If you are able, tend a local church to meet others and socialize. Take care of your health physically and mentally. I wish we were neighbors...we could have such long talks. Even though you are still married, his leaving has been like a death....you are grieving. You need to talk it all out. Bless you dear Jan. xoxo, Susie

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